IS ONE INCIDENT OF ABUSE ENOUGH TO END A MARRIAGE?

Hello RTers, my name is Jane, somewhat separated from my husband whom I have been married to for over 3 years now. We have a little 2 year old girl together and she’s presently staying with my husband and his family. I never thought it was going to ever end or at least get to this point in my widest dream, despite the little changes we had. I am the last child and only girl in my family with four brothers. I guess I was influenced by my brothers in terms of being hot-tempered, that has always been my greatest flaw, regardless of how much effort I put in, I really can’t help it most times. Not that I’m a terrible person, that’s just my baggage, but unfortunately it makes my husband feels I don’t respect him when I flare up, but I do. He is the complete opposite of me. He very patient and gentle and that was what I really wanted in a man. He isn’t as buoyant as would have liked, but we get by. He works in a servicing company for a contractor that isn’t steady in salary payment, so I contribute a lot financially to our wellbeing. I am from a financially decent family and all my siblings are all doing well, plus I really don’t have responsibilities unlike my husband who is the First child in his family with, six other siblings.

Months ago our rent was due for payment, he had no money so I struggled to sort out the money and gave him to pay for it, not knowing he didn’t. I was shocked when our caretaker came to our house 3 months after the due month to serve a quit notice warning. My husband wasn’t around, but believing he had paid, I ignorantly challenged him with full confidence we ended up exchanging few words. I questioned my husband when he returned and to my surprised he confirmed he didn’t pay the money. He had used almost all the money to settle some bills that I can’t understand and was hoping he would get the money to replace it but hasn’t. He didn’t bother to tell me all these while knowing how strict our Tenancy agreement was. I tried to stay calm but couldn’t, I flared up shouting and rained abuses on him, he just annoyingly sat down and as usual just ignored me, this infuriated that I picked up his laptop and before I knew it, I threw it at him, it hit him and fell shattered on the floor.

Even at that, I never expected the kind of reaction I got from him because he always cool headed, he got up immediately and descended on me like an animal. He gave me the beating of my life and kept on hitting me I thought was going to kill me. I ran out of the house and boarded a vehicle straight to my parent’s house (we lived in the same city). When my mum saw me, she was so shocked, she immediately called my brothers. They came down and got really mad when they saw my bruises. They drove immediately to my husband’s house and pounded him in and out, he landed in the hospital thereafter. They told me the marriage was over and I’m not to ever go back to a man that hits a woman. 

My little girl was at my in law’s place at the time of the incident and I couldn’t take her with me. Since then my in-laws won’t let me have her. I’m all just confused right now because this was just not what I bargained for. I’ve tried calling my husband but he wouldn’t respond. I miss them so much, but my family won’t hear of me going over to make peace, that if anything, he should be the one to apologise otherwise he would do it again. I know deep down I pushed my husband hard hence his reaction, but they say no man should ever hit a woman despite the provocation talk less beat up silly, thus the marriage is over. It’s over 3 months now and my husband hasn’t reached out, he moved away from his house to stay with his family.

Dear RTers, I’m really very confused right now and need your advice please.

HOW I RUINED MY FAMILY WITH A ONE NIGHT STAND

Hi RTers, my name is George, I'm 42 years old and live in Lagos. I am sharing this story so that people can learn from my mistakes. Up till now I still can't believe how one stupid act from me ruined my life and that of my family. I am the kind of outgoing type, I love clubs and social events. My wife is more of the reserved type and prefers to have fun at home, but knowing the kind of man she married, she doesn't complain much when I go out and come in late. We dated for 5 years before we married and she kinda developed a huge trust for me, as I do for her. Never once had I cheated on my wife in our 12 years of marriage, but of this fateful day I did the unthinkable. I never planned for it to happen, I had left the club early that day (about 10:30pm) I wanted to get home early because I had promised to drive my wife to an early market the next day. On my way home, I was flagged down by a lady. I never stop for strangers as a personal rule, but on this fateful day I made a regrettable exception. I stopped and she begged me to give her a lift, it wasn't a big deal because we were heading in the same direction. The moment she entered my car, the atmosphere changed suddenly, I don't want to make an excuse but I really felt somewhat hypnotised. She was astonishing beautiful than I even realised before I picked her up, She flirted with me and talked naughty, while I laughed foolishly. We got to her Estate before mine and she pleaded with me to drop her at her place, as it wasn't far inside. I knew this was foolish but somehow, I wasn't with my senses any longer. She invited me inside when we got there and I knew what the invitation meant but couldn't stop myself. We had s3x, and without a condom! That was so much unlike me, considering I always advised my friends who had numerous girlfriends to never fail to use it, that very moment, I had no damn control. After the act, I picked up my clothes and left without saying a word, she said nothing either. I knew I had messed up but I told myself it was a onetime thing and I'd never try it again. I ended up getting home few minutes past midnight that day. That happened 7 months ago, I had just begin to get on with my life after much guilt has dealt with me, when I came back home 3 weeks ago to meet my wife sobbing intensely. I reached out to her to ask her what the problem was and she handed me a paper, it was their yearly medical examination result that showed she was HIV positive. She swore she had never been with another man and asked me if I had been unfaithful. My mind flew back to that one forgotten incident, and I collapsed on the floor. I had not only been careless with my life but also with that of my beloved wife. I have betrayed the trust of the woman I love so much and placed her life in Danger. I have failed my 2 kids who see me as their Hero all for nothing. Even if my wife eventually forgives me, I know I will never forgive myself.

Dear RTers, Please learn from my mistakes, you'd think it can't happen to you just like I did, but it can. 

I CAN'T FORGIVE HIM FOR SACRIFICING MY BABY FOR MY LIFE.

Hello RTers, my name is Angela, I am 43 years old. I've been married for 8 years now without child. To say this is the worst situation for any woman to be in, is an understatement. I have asked myself 'why me' a million times but no answer. Many mothers really do not know how blessed they are to have even a single child, it is indeed a great blessing.

 I married at age 35 to a man who has a child from wedlock (I sometimes think that’s why he’s not as worried as myself), so I was eager to get pregnant and have a baby as soon as possible, but that didn’t happen until 6 years of trying. We had done virtually everything in Medicine when it came to conceiving (with and without assistance) and we only got lucky once. It was indeed a miracle, we were so happy our joy knew no bounds.

Towards the end of my second trimester, there were complications (don't want to bore readers with the story) and it came down to choosing between terminating my baby or risk a possible death should I proceed with the pregnancy. Having waited that long for a baby, it was a very simple choice for me to make. But my husband wouldn't hear of it, despite my pleas and all, he was adamant and insisted I terminated my baby. Several times I thought of running away to have my child but couldn't (I still beat myself for not opting for that). To cut the long story short, against my will I was forced to terminate my child. It was the hardest moment of my life to live through, I wished death would come upon me and spare me of the emotional suffering.

It’s been 2 years now and I still feel the pain as fresh as yesterday. I've not been able to conceive again and my time is running up. I blame my husband every day and can't forgive him for letting my child die without fighting. He said he saved me but the truth is I am a living dead and so is our marriage. I fear I would never be able to ever forgive him if I don't have a child of my own.