I CAN'T FORGIVE HIM FOR SACRIFICING MY BABY FOR MY LIFE.

Hello RTers, my name is Angela, I am 43 years old. I've been married for 8 years now without child. To say this is the worst situation for any woman to be in, is an understatement. I have asked myself 'why me' a million times but no answer. Many mothers really do not know how blessed they are to have even a single child, it is indeed a great blessing.

 I married at age 35 to a man who has a child from wedlock (I sometimes think that’s why he’s not as worried as myself), so I was eager to get pregnant and have a baby as soon as possible, but that didn’t happen until 6 years of trying. We had done virtually everything in Medicine when it came to conceiving (with and without assistance) and we only got lucky once. It was indeed a miracle, we were so happy our joy knew no bounds.

Towards the end of my second trimester, there were complications (don't want to bore readers with the story) and it came down to choosing between terminating my baby or risk a possible death should I proceed with the pregnancy. Having waited that long for a baby, it was a very simple choice for me to make. But my husband wouldn't hear of it, despite my pleas and all, he was adamant and insisted I terminated my baby. Several times I thought of running away to have my child but couldn't (I still beat myself for not opting for that). To cut the long story short, against my will I was forced to terminate my child. It was the hardest moment of my life to live through, I wished death would come upon me and spare me of the emotional suffering.

It’s been 2 years now and I still feel the pain as fresh as yesterday. I've not been able to conceive again and my time is running up. I blame my husband every day and can't forgive him for letting my child die without fighting. He said he saved me but the truth is I am a living dead and so is our marriage. I fear I would never be able to ever forgive him if I don't have a child of my own.