Hello RTers, my name is Jane, somewhat
separated from my husband whom I have been married to for over 3 years now. We have
a little 2 year old girl together and she’s presently staying with my husband
and his family. I never thought it was going to ever end or at least get to
this point in my widest dream, despite the little changes we had. I am the last
child and only girl in my family with four brothers. I guess I was influenced
by my brothers in terms of being hot-tempered, that has always been my greatest
flaw, regardless of how much effort I put in, I really can’t help it most times.
Not that I’m a terrible person, that’s just my baggage, but unfortunately it
makes my husband feels I don’t respect him when I flare up, but I do. He is the
complete opposite of me. He very patient and gentle and that was what I really
wanted in a man. He isn’t as buoyant as would have liked, but we get by. He works
in a servicing company for a contractor that isn’t steady in salary payment, so
I contribute a lot financially to our wellbeing. I am from a financially decent
family and all my siblings are all doing well, plus I really don’t have
responsibilities unlike my husband who is the First child in his family with,
six other siblings.
Months ago our rent was due for
payment, he had no money so I struggled to sort out the money and gave him to
pay for it, not knowing he didn’t. I was shocked when our caretaker came to our
house 3 months after the due month to serve a quit notice warning. My husband wasn’t
around, but believing he had paid, I ignorantly challenged him with full
confidence we ended up exchanging few words. I questioned my husband when he returned
and to my surprised he confirmed he didn’t pay the money. He had used almost
all the money to settle some bills that I can’t understand and was hoping he
would get the money to replace it but hasn’t. He didn’t bother to tell me all
these while knowing how strict our Tenancy agreement was. I tried to stay calm
but couldn’t, I flared up shouting and rained abuses on him, he just annoyingly
sat down and as usual just ignored me, this infuriated that I picked up his
laptop and before I knew it, I threw it at him, it hit him and fell shattered on
the floor.
Even at that, I never expected the kind of reaction I got from him
because he always cool headed, he got up immediately and descended on me like
an animal. He gave me the beating of my life and kept on hitting me I thought
was going to kill me. I ran out of the house and boarded a vehicle straight to
my parent’s house (we lived in the same city). When my mum saw me, she was so shocked,
she immediately called my brothers. They came down and got really mad when they
saw my bruises. They drove immediately to my husband’s house and pounded him in
and out, he landed in the hospital thereafter. They told me the marriage was
over and I’m not to ever go back to a man that hits a woman.
My little girl was
at my in law’s place at the time of the incident and I couldn’t take her with
me. Since then my in-laws won’t let me have her. I’m all just confused right
now because this was just not what I bargained for. I’ve tried calling my
husband but he wouldn’t respond. I miss them so much, but my family won’t hear
of me going over to make peace, that if anything, he should be the one to
apologise otherwise he would do it again. I know deep down I pushed my husband
hard hence his reaction, but they say no man should ever hit a woman despite the
provocation talk less beat up silly, thus the marriage is over. It’s over 3
months now and my husband hasn’t reached out, he moved away from his house to
stay with his family.
Dear RTers, I’m really very
confused right now and need your advice please.
Abuse is a no no. I hv story to share and I need advice. You see, I got married as a virgin and the reason was not that I felt self righteous or better than those who weren't, but it was basically because I always thought of the God factor and the fact that it will be good to preserve same for my husband in future. I mean, wasn't that what was always preached? I was able to keep that promise I made to myself but trust the way irony works, I hot married to a sexually experienced guy. Not that I dreamt I was going to marry a virgin too, just didn't think the body count will be that high. It's an issue I tried dealing with at the early- mid part of our first one year of marriage and trust me I've been doing fine. However, we had a discussion about girls who sleep around for money. My view was that girls who sleep with their various Boyfriends depending on the number they hv throughout their single hood are no different from the former. My reason being that it's still sex outside marriage. Lo and behold, the reply I got from my husband is that I fall into that same category. Yes, it's still sex it I related it to the biblical perspective. He made mention of whether or not such persons are Christians and I'm like fine, whatever their religion permits but biblically speaking there is no difference cos fornication is fornication irrespective of whether it is with a bf or not.
ReplyDeleteI'm just a little bewildered with the fact that this is how he sees me. Oh, yes, I've always known that being a virgin...bla bla never meant anything to him in the first place given that he was so much on love with the girls he had a thing with but i'm the unfortunate wife now and to think he will compare me with his lovers is painful. So, what do you advice me to do cos I hv no plans of talking to him again. I think he should keep on basking in his pleasant memories afterall i'm a how as well to him. I hv no plans of talking to him neither do I want to be with someone who doesn't think i'm special
You are right, Girls who sleep around with different BFs for money are no different from prostitutes, that's infact a modernize way of prostitution, but it's very different from a girl with a single partner who isn't dating him because of monitary gain. I think you should try to understand what your husband meant, rather than go mute. No man will intentionaly put his wife in that category except she is. Best of luck!
DeleteYou are right, Girls who sleep around with different BFs for money are no different from prostitutes, that's infact a modernize way of prostitution, but it's very different from a girl with a single partner who isn't dating him because of monetary gain. I think you should try to understand what your husband meant, rather than go mute. No man will intentionaly put his wife in that category except she is. Best of luck!
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