IS IT OKAY TO ALLOW MY HUSBAND REMAIN FRIENDS WITH HIS EX?

Hi RTers, I am Oluchi by name, I got married a year ago to my husband. I just want your advice on an issue regarding him and his ex (or friend as he now calls her). They dated for about a year before distance ended their relationship, as she travelled abroad for her Masters. However they remained friends and he told me about her while we were dating. Then I didn’t see it as a big deal even when they chatted and was never interested, but lately she has been reaching out to him more often and be talking to him in ways that I don't find appropriate. Although from their chats, I admit see the effort my husband tries to put to end such inappropriate discussions but I still don’t appreciate such friendship.

She talks a lot about their past escapades, how it would have been if they had stayed together and had kids, how their kids would have looked like. She asked my hubby if I was pregnant yet (am not).  She cropped me off a picture my hubby and I took and told him, that was how she viewed the picture (meaning I don't exist to her). She also to him how she was dying so say some naughty things (probably sensing my hubby wasn’t encouraging her much when she initiates such talk) but my hubby stopped her annoyingly in teasing way. 

I confronted my hubby about it all, that I wasn't cool with their friendship, but all he said was that he was sorry; seemingly apologising on her behalf. I told him to delete her from his BBM contacts but he refused, for reason he best understands; claiming they were just friends and she’s not a threat. Yes, even if she isn’t a threat, is it right to entertain such flirtish talks from her?

Dear RTers, what do you think? I know she's far away, does that mean I am over reacting? I need your advice please.

KISSED BY MY FRIEND'S GROOM A NIGHT BEFORE HER WEDDING

Hi RTers, my name is Julie (not real name) a 400L undergraduate in one of the universities in Nigeria. My best friend got married last week Saturday and I was her chief Bridesmaid. During the wedding I was just practically in trance, for the Groom to my best friend; Harry (not real name) had kissed me a night before and I didn’t know how to react in the best interest of everyone. There were no words, just that kiss that stunned me all over.

I was more or less the 'middle-woman' between my friend and Harry during our earlier years in the university. When he was asking her out, it was through me, when she wouldn't date him, I was the one who urged her to give him a chance. I admired Harry for who he is or was and thought my friend was really lucky to have him doting over her, but that was just it. I never for once wished him for myself or tried to complicate things between them. I never once took advantage of the fact that they always called me to help them sort their issues out, that was just how simple our relationship was. 

When he proposed to her, I was the one who helped organised the surprised party. Considering how close we are, it was no surprised when she made me her chief Bridesmaid, and I was very involved in the wedding preparation. We were lodged in one big hotel, and it was during the wedding night when I went to get my friend’s Ipad from his room that it happened. After a simple small chat during which he was getting the Ipad, I made to leave, then I heard him say ‘wait’, as I turned around, his lips descended on mine. I was just too shocked to react, I couldn’t believe what was happening, the kiss lasted for like 10 seconds, and then he left me and walked into the bathroom. Still stunned I managed to leave and went to my room. I didn’t even go to my friend’s room again for fear I may blurt out what had just happened.

I kept thinking; Did he have feelings for me? Or was it out of gratitude for all I’ve for them? I really didn't know what the kiss meant. He totally avoided looking at me during the wedding and I was somewhat glad. I couldn't bring myself to tell my friend for fear of what could happen to the wedding. He had been a great guy, but I couldn’t understand why he did that, I liked him as a nice guy, but being my friend’s man, I have never entertained the thought of having anything with him.

Dear RTers, what should I do now? Act like it never happened? If I don't tell my friend, won't it be like a betrayer if she heard about this later (if it ever came up)? Can it just be a one-off-thing or would he try it again if I did nothing? She’s my best friend and I know I’d have to see them soon. Please I need your advice on how best to handle this situation. Thanks

GENOTYPE DILEMMA

Hello RTers, my name is Lucy (not real name), I am 34 years old from Kogi. I am so depressed I really don't know how to start this story. The last few days have been my saddest in this Planet and I’ve been really sad in this life! You see, I was born into a decent family with four children (2 girls and 2 boys), me being the first child. My younger sister married 8 years ago, my younger brothers are also married, leaving just me. I really don't know how I ended up in my family, sometimes I wonder if I was even adopted. My parents are very decent looking in appearance and my siblings too, but somehow everything about me is just opposite to them. I’m 4 feet 4 inches tall, skinny, dark and well.... facially I know I’m not that pretty. To make matters worse, I’m also ‘flat’ in front and behind. This physique has always been my challenge in life, giving me some level of inferiority complex and all that. It was always very difficult to see a man gaze at me with those eyes that tells you he likes you. I do have my good sides though, for one, I think I’m one of the nicest and caring humans on earth (not to sound proud but that’s the truth).

I dated just one guy all through my University days and the relationship only lasted for 3 weeks. I though I was really lucky then to have him, but it turned out he only wanted me for what he could get out of me. I’m still a virgin, and I still strongly advocate for 'No to Pre-marital sex' regardless of the few opportunities I’ve had to take advantage and experience it.

To cut a long sad story short, I met a very nice guy (Obus) about 8 months ago in a church, it still surprises me how God works, because I really don’t know what such an amazing handsome man sees in me, but the way he looks at me... gosh! You’d know he really cares for me, and he has shown me that both in words and action in the last few months. He is also very stable financially, not that that matters so much to me, because I’m also very okay financially. He proposed to me 2 weeks ago in the most romantic way I could imagine, I was simply blown away and I joyfully accepted.

During the course of our relation, we never discussed about our genotypes. I knew I was AS but it was never something I dwelt on, considering the fact I rarely met a guy for serious relationship let alone marriage. And so my sweet joy was dashed when he asked me what my genotype was in a media chat, I froze! I had completely forgotten about that aspect of me when it came to relationships/marriages. I was so scared that he would be AS (for him to have been concerned about it) that I went blank for a few seconds, I really don’t know what came over me that made me typed ‘AA’ and he responded by saying: 'Thank God, cause I'm AS'. My heart Stopped!

It's been a week now and I haven't been myself. I have cried so much fearing the worst. So this is the end, isn't it? I know I have to tell him the truth or shouldn't I? Am I going to lose the man I love so much; the only man who worships me just because of our genotype? Should I persuade him for us to go ahead regardless and face the odds? Should we marry and instead adopt if we don’t want to risk having a SS child? Will he even agree? If we break up, will I ever meet another man that cherishes me like him? 

Dear RTers, I need your advice, I am so depressed and going mad with my thoughts, if there is any hope for us to remain together I will so gladly take it. 

CRITICISED FOR ASKING FOR MY DUE

Hi RTers, my name is Kess, i am a public inspirational speaker based in Lagos. About 3 months ago I was given a deal by a neighbour friend (Tayo) to give an inspirational speech to a certain group of people he was mentoring. I was priced real low and agreed based on the fact that we are friends kinda. Normally, I won't take less than N50,000 for an hour speech, but took N20,000 for a 2-hour plus speech because of him. Funny thing was that he only gave me N10,000 and promised to give the rest after the event.

After the event, one of the participants approached me seemingly very impressed with my speech and invited me for a bigger invent a week later. Of course I told him my actual price (N50,000 per hour) which he agreed to. I actually spoke for over 2 hours during the event and was paid in full.

The issue now is that, Tayo heard of the deal and has refused to pay me the balance N10,000. To make matters worse he goes about telling people that i am very greedy because I asked for my balance money; his point being that it was through his link that gave me the other deal, so I should have written off the balance. 

Dear RTers, have I really done anything wrong by asking for the balance of this deal I practically slaved for? Should I go ahead a fight for my balance or apologise and write it off? I don't want a strained relationship with Tayo but don't like to be cheated either.

FRUSTRATED BY FAMILY DEMANDS

Hi RTers, my name is Jacob, a 32 year old computer scientist, i live in Benin city with my family (my mother and step father) and own a small Business center which has been sustaining me financially. I was born out of wedlock and raised by my mother. She's practically did everything for me with the little trade she did because my step father wasn't so interested in issues that concerned me. He never gave me money one day for my fees or up keep, it was all my mom and the little efforts i put in to raise money. I never really met my own dad, i just heard stories of him and heard he relocated from the country many years ago. 

Anyways, i managed and struggled to finish school and with the little money i saved up, opened the business center which is all i have presently. 

I have 4 other siblings all in secondary school. My step dad was a teacher in private school but lost his job 4 years ago. Since then, all expenses have been practically shouldered by me; from feeding, to paying of the children school fees, to clothing, to rent etc. My mom's trade hasn't been doing so well and my step father isn't doing anything reasonable. 

Right now it's just like i'm in a prison because i haven't really lived my life the way i'd have love to because of the financial burden. My girlfriend of 4 years has been waiting on my to be settled financially but with the look of things i really don't know when that will be. The demands are really so much. I dont know if i should move out of the house to start my life by myself or continue with this trend till God knows when. The annoying part is that my step father doesn't even appreciate what i do, he feels it's my right to bear the responsibilities forgetting he never really contributed to my training. 

Dear RTers, please I need your advice because i'm getting really frustrated. 

IN LOVE WITH MY SISTER'S EX

Hi RTers, my name is Sharon (not real name) from Delta State, I'm 24 years old and a graduate. When i was smaller at about age 14, Emaa was my elder sister's boyfriend who is now married with 2 kids. They dated for about 3 years before they broke up. From what i knew then, the breakup was due to infidelity from Emma's a part. They were really cool together and we all thought they would end up together, but that was not to be. The breakup was devastating, i can still remember how my sister cried her eyes out and all.
Emma now 32 years old traveled to the US after his schooling and came back about a year ago, He works in an auditing firm and looks financially okay.

I met him when i did an interview with his company 5 months ago. I never knew he worked there, he walked up to me and introduced himself to me (of course he looked familiar but i couldn't really place his face), he looked so handsome and i was genuinely impressed. He took me out thereafter, i never really thought anything could come out of the date but he made me laugh like i've never done before. We talked for such a long time that i didnt even realise how far gone the time before he dropped me off. I grew very fond of him over the next 2 months that i didnt even realised when i fell in love with him. During the course of one of our discussions we talked about how he treated my sister 10  years ago, and he said he regretted what he did, but he was obviously very immature then and wouldn't do such a thing in his present age. Although a lot of people say Men are liars, but looking at him as he said all that, i couldn't help but believe him. 

He asked me to Marry him 2 weeks ago, and even if ever fibre in my body wants him so much, i can't but think of what people and my sister would think of me. I just couldn't say yes. I told him to give me sometime to think of it. I've been trying to talk to my elder sister about him but i haven't been able. I really love him and he seems to love me too and very responsible. 

Dear RTers, i need good advice on how to go about this dilemma. It would hurt me so much to lose him but i don't want to have problems with my family either. 

STRANGE RULES IN MY MARRIAGE

Hi RTers my name is Funke, 24 years old and a Legal Practitioner Based in Calabar, I have always been his kinda social girl all my life. I really love fun and hanging out with lots of people of different sexes. It is no surprise that most of my friends are actually guys, i really actually find them cooler to relate with. Anyway i got married this year to a very wonderful cute Engineer from Edo State, and being with him has really been wonderful and perhaps near perfect, however during the marriage ceremony, i was given some certain kinda rules by his family and somewhat supported by him to some extent, and most of the rules has to do with my social life especially with male folks.

1. That i should comport myself and not be playful with them
2. No hugging them
3. No hand shakes (this my hubby is not in support though)
4. Minimize calls/chats received from them

Although my hubby and I laughed about the rules initially when i was being told not really taking it so serious. But recently i was out with hubby and ran into an old school friend of mine. I was so excited that i hugged him tight without realising i did anything bad. When we got home, we had a fight as hubby made a fuss about it not being cool reminding me about the so-called rules. I was simply amazed, and clearly told him it won't be possible to stop hugging other male counterparts not only because that's always been my person but also that such rules are outdated especially in a civilized corporate world where we live in.

Few days ago, a good male friend of mine had his birthday and i used he's picture as my display picture on BBM, i actually change the picture 3x during that day) and i got a call from his sister that i shouldn't be doing that as a married woman. 

Dear RTers, I really need your advice in this situation because i just feel like I'm caged and restricted from being myself. Is there a way i can make them understand there is no big deal about it?

I SO LOVE MY BOYFRIEND BUT HE WON'T COMMIT TO MARRYING ME

Hi RTers, my name is Bisi (not real name), i am a banker and considerably doing well. Right from my younger years, i have always wanted to get married early, but at age 27, life hasn't worked out for me as planned Maritally. As i write this letter i don't even know if I'm in a relationship or not. I ought to be in a relationship with Dave (not real name), but he has repeatedly told me that he isn't committed. I met Dave 2 years then i was a Virgin, we dated for 6 months before he broke up with me, reason being that i wasn't ready for a sexual relationship. I like and loved him alot, he was the kind of man i wanted in my life, but sex before marriage was a big NO for me, however to be honest, the day he broke up with me was the day i had made up my mind to let him have me. Well it wasnt to be and i moved on and met another guy who this time i allowed to dis-flower me hoping that would keep him by my side till marriage, but as i had always known about men (most of them just want you for s3x and move on) and he was not different. It was shortly after that episode Dave came back into my life. He apologised for leaving me back then, told me so many stories of how he missed me and so on. initially i wasnt going to have him back but after he spoilt me silly, i again reconsidered him. I told him i was no longer a virgin and he was kinda disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it, he just wanted me back, so i took him back. Truth is that i don't think i ever stopped loving him so it was an easy decision. We started having s3x of course and he was kinda almost insatiable, but i didn't complain. Lest i forget, he is one of the top managers in a corporate big company in lagos, he is 35 years old and has his own house in Lekki and doing very well financially. After a few months of frolicking together, i gently popped the issue of marriage, and to my surprise he said that it was not in his agenda anytime soon; that he has so much more to achieve before marriage. It really sank my heart because i thought that was where we were heading. I then boldly asked him what his plans are towards me, and he said we should just enjoy ourselves for the now without thinking of marriage, that it complicated things but if however i am not satisfied with the arrangement, im free to do what i like. Since then he has been very cold towards me; always choosing to hang out with his friends than me, rarely calls except when he wants s3x, read my chats without reply for hours, doesn't give me a dime (not that i care about that before), he has just been very distant  despite my efforts to be closer to him; like he's pushing me away. Whenever i ask him if anything is wrong, he says nothing. Occasionally he becomes loving but most of the time i am just alone and empty. I know i should perhaps leave him, but i love him so much and there isn't any 'Toaster' around that compares to the him in the qualities i seek for.

Dear RTers, just want should i do?  I really so sad.

MY WIFE IS EGOISTIC

Ego in any Relationship is very dangerous and unhealthy. It is one of the most common attribute that destroys millions of relationships daily, especially a Romantic one.

My name is Jones (not real name), I am 34 years old and married to a wonderful lady. I couldn't have wished for a better spouse. The moment I first saw her, I knew I’d love to spend the rest of my life with her. We got married January 2016 and everything has been wonderful but (and there is always a 'But' in almost everything) the problem I am facing is her EGO. My God! That is so killing me.

A quick preview: we met and married after about 8 months from our first meeting, I so wanted to settle down and considering the kind of tolerant person I am, I knew I could leave with anyone. She was introduced to me by my elder sister and so I trusted her judgement and I'm yet to really regret it though, but just how do I get rid of this pride and ego she has before it destroys us. She kind of act too full of herself, always wanting to be right, she would rather let the relationship go South than apologies, does not like being instructed as it might make her feel being Bossed around. The list just goes on as long as her ego is at stake.

Dear RTers just how do I tame an Egoistic wife? I kind if I followed the same line with her, our Marriage would be over in no distant time.